Kris Safarova  01:04

Welcome to the Strategy Skills podcast. I’m your host, Kris Safarova, and this episode is sponsored by StrategyTraining.com. You can access few gifts that we prepared for you. Number one is first episode of How to Build a Consulting Practice. You can get it at firmsconsulting.com/build. You can also get the Overall Approach Used in Well-Managed Strategy Studies at firmsconsulting.com/overallapproach. And lastly, you can get McKinsey and BCG winning resume, which is a resume that got offers from both of those firms. And you can get it at firmsconsulting.com/resumePDF. And today we have with us Jim Murphy, who is the number one New York Times, best selling author whose mission is to build communities to alleviate spiritual and physical poverty around the world. Jim, welcome. So many questions for you. You’re such an interesting guy. Your work is very, very, very impactful. Your great grandfathers fall from samurai warrior to broken identity. Such an incredible story. What does this story can teach our listeners about anchoring our identity in something deeper than titles and status? You probably have seen it with your clients many times when people, for example, lose their job, they lose their identity along with it. So how can our listeners avoid being so dependent on titles and status when it comes to their identity?

Jim Murphy  02:34

Yeah, well, this is the same thing you know that happened to me as well, was I was a pro baseball player, and then I got injured and lost it, and felt like I lost everything, and my whole identity was wrapped up around around that, that role that I had. And so now, one of the most important things that I do and help people with is to make sure that whatever you love most is empowering, because whatever you will love most, that’s what’s running your life, the spot in your heart, whatever fills that top spot, that’s that’s your God. That’s what you’re going to fear, most of losing and hope, most of having or keeping. And I just want for everybody to have that spot be be powerful. And if it’s something unstable, like your job, now you’re going to be as stable as whatever that is.

Kris Safarova  03:30

So let’s unpack it, whatever you love most. Tell us more about that.

Jim Murphy  03:35

Yeah, as humans weren’t were created for relationship, and our greatest need is for love, hopefully unconditional love, and our greatest fear is to not get that love. So love and acceptance is what we need the most, and created for and and rejection is the greatest fear. And so most people spend their entire lives, especially people that are talented, because then when they do something they can, they can get a bigger applause or bigger trophy or award from society. They get trapped in this, this pursuit of achievement, because they’re just trying to feel better so they can, so can finally relax and have enough security and sense of I’m okay, I’m good enough, and it’s a endless treadmill that chasing your tail that never fulfills. And so inner excellence is about building something that lasts, and inner world that has peace and joy and confidence and that’s based on love.

Kris Safarova  04:36

Let’s talk about fear. So you call fear the byproduct of self centeredness. I wanted to ask you, in practice, how can someone listening to us right now or watching us right now catch themselves in that trap before it takes over?

Jim Murphy  04:51

Well, I think understanding kind of how it works, and this is one of the first things that I do with my clients, is help them understand what your heart deeply wants. I. Um, how the mind works, how the subconscious mind works and works with your heart, your spirit, your will, and how we get caught up in this trap. And so the way self centeredness works in my mind is we, we have to think about ourselves in order to go about through life. We just need, you know, we need to be safe, but that thinking about yourself causes your your subconscious to remind you of all your your failures and weaknesses. And then so we feel feel insecure, so we compare ourselves to others, but there’s always someone else that has more better things. So then we feel more insecure, and then anxiety comes. And so the constant thinking about self creates this anxiety, but you can think about when you’re at your very best, it doesn’t matter. Matter if you’re a musician or an athlete or a stay at home parent, when you’re at your best, there’s no concern for self. It’s just you’re totally caught up in the moment, just like when you’re with a great in a great movie, absorbed in that, or a book or piece of art, or at the Grand Canyon. Then there’s, there’s no thoughts or insecurity about self. It’s just the connection to beauty. And so that’s what inner excellence says, is is understanding that the greatest obstacles that we have in performance generally, there’s three of them. One is way too many thoughts from way too many concerns and negative thinking or judgmental thinking, laying down a negative verdict about self circumstances or others. And then the third one is self consciousness, concern for what will people think if I fail, if I screw this up? That’s a huge one. The lack of freedom is such a big issue in culture today because of the social media that you’re constantly getting judged.

Kris Safarova  06:44

So by lack of freedom, you mean people are afraid to say what they actually think. People are afraid to be themselves because of how they feel other people may judge them.

Jim Murphy  06:55

Yeah, afraid to take risks and and. But the most successful people in business and in life are the ones that take take risks. Generally take the most risks because they’re they have courage that if they fail, that they can start over again. They’re just, they’re really, they’re not attached to the results, because they’re really just looking for the best solution. They’re not caught up in, oh, I feel so bad because that didn’t work, and I feel so rejected, because the most successful people have found a way to to feel, feel that love without needing it from their achievements or looks or status or money or possessions.

Kris Safarova  07:40

Yes, the way I think about it is you basically allow yourself to be an artist and you just create. You find solutions to problems you care about solving, and then it becomes about something bigger than you, whether you just focus on creating some amazing masterpiece, maybe it is incredible novel, or solving a very difficult problem in business, but you’re not doing it because of what other people will say or even pay you to solve the problem. You’re doing it because you cannot not do it. Yeah, powerful. I want to speak more about fear because I feel you have some approaches that can really help our listeners. So if you go a little deeper into fear, and when it gets the point of a phobia, you mentioned that phobias and fears are not signs of weakness, but signs of a working brain, how that kind of reframe empowers our listeners who feel that they are controlled by the fears or even phobia.

Jim Murphy  08:39

Well, there’s two things here I’ll share with you how phobias work and why it’s not a flaw. And two, what can we do to expand what we believe is possible so we’re not controlled by fear? Okay, so the first one is phobias. So let’s think about someone who has a phobia of snakes or spiders, and then say it’s it’s snakes, and then a snake crawls over their toe. How many times out of 10 are they going to be afraid and panic? Like, it’s 10 out of 10, right? It’s not like five out of 10. And they forget sometimes, like, Hey, what happened? I thought you had a phobia. Oh, I forgot. That doesn’t happen. It’s always 10 out of 10, because the subconscious is working perfectly to protect you. So the way what happened is someone who has this phobia of snakes or spiders or cotton balls or whatever it is, there was some event in their life that was painful, either embarrassing or painful or traumatic, and the subconscious said, Okay, I’ve got to protect you now. And so the way I’m going to protect you is I’m going to embed that memory into your subconscious mind, and then if we ever see a context that’s similar, where you got wounded, that looks like that one, then I’m going to remind you with anxiety and say, Whoa. Careful. Careful. The problem is, what happened if you got embarrassed or hurt? It was just some sort of you. Uh, event that you didn’t do good, but you’re going to do it again, like maybe you felt you didn’t do good in a speech or some sporting event or or performance, and then you you were, you were embarrassed, or whatever it is, your subconscious is going to lock that in. Next time you go, it’s going to say, Hey, be careful. Be careful. It’s going to bring anxiety, because you got hurt last time. And so now the so the first thing is to understand it’s a it’s a subconscious mind working perfectly. It’s not a flaw. And then the second thing to realize is that you can, like phobias can be cured. Then phobias are generally gained in an instant, and they can be cured in one session from someone who’s really good, especially people that are better than me at it, like the instructor I learned from, you could do it in probably 20 minutes, most phobias. So the other thing is to understand, well, how do we deal with fear? And there’s some questions that you can ask and understanding that will really help you. So the questions are, am I willing to face my fears? Am I willing to look foolish? Am I willing to fail? Am I willing to be embarrassed? And am I willing to have any feeling, and am I willing to face any feeling and sit with it, even if it never goes away. So what happens to most people is they never reach their potential in business and life, in sports, and the reason is they come to the edge of their beliefs, beliefs or feelings. They come to the edge of their beliefs, and these feelings where they’re so uncomfortable, they’re like, Oh, this is too scary. I could get hurt again, and I’m not going to do it. I mean, we’ve all been there. Inner excellence is about expanding what you believe is possible and doing things you’ve never done before, because we’re going to become someone we’ve never been before, which means letting go of our past, which is very scary, because for most of us, we identify as our past. I am what I’ve done. I am what I do. And that’s, you know, that’s the great illusion, but, and that’s why it’s so hard to face your feelings and let go of your past, because of all the consequences in past history. But if you ask yourself these questions, and if you’re willing to face any feeling, the only way you’re going to be willing to face any feeling is if you’re willing to have any consequence, any outcome, if you’re not willing for any outcome, then, well, there could be an outcome that you’re not willing to have, then you’re going to get feelings you don’t want, or you’re not sorry, that feelings that you’re not willing to have, and then It’s panic time or whatever, or flee this situation. But if you can sit in that feeling long enough and repeat it enough, no matter what your outcomes are, eventually you’ll be able to bring your skills into that moment, and then you’ll expand what you believe is possible and do things that you’ve never done before.

Kris Safarova  12:56

So and of course, we have the concept of neuroplasticity, which shows that we can rewire our brains, and that is such a powerful thing. That is something I was doing even as a teenager, before knowing what neuroplasticity was. But how do you use neuroplasticity to help clients rewire their brains?

Jim Murphy  13:15

Well, it’s so important to understand with neuroplasticity that you can rewire your brain, your brain, you can have a phobia that is the scariest thing in the world, and just the thought of it can trigger tears, and you could have had it for your whole life, 50 years, and that can be gone in less than an hour. It’s really important to understand. And so even though that’s hardwired in, it can the wires can be changed. And so if you have a trauma where there was some terrible thing that happened to you, and every time you think about it, it creates this terrible pain. So you obviously never want to think about it again, that trauma can be rewired. What I mean by that is that when you think about it, the pain can be gone. I’m not saying that obviously the situation is going to stay the same, but the pain can be gone. And so most people don’t know this, and that’s really important to understand because, and that’s a big part of inner excellence. Since I started 10, no 15, 20, years ago, majority of my clients have their best year of their careers, our first year together, or the best year in the last five years. And one of the reasons, I think that’s, I mean, there’s probably multiple it’s a very counter cultural thing of pursuing fullness of life rather than the result. But the other one is rewiring past failures and fears.

Kris Safarova  14:41

So can you talk us through how you actually do it?

Jim Murphy  14:44

Yeah. So the first thing we do is, I want to know how you want to feel and how you don’t want to feel. So say I was working with you. Every adult has some sort of whether it’s trauma or embarrassments or painful memories. And so I start with I’m. And how do you want to feel, and how do you not want to feel? And so can you share a little bit about how you want to feel and don’t want to feel, just with a couple words, like, how do you want to feel in your life?

Kris Safarova  15:09

I think just very focused on my mission, not getting distracted, and really moving things forward significantly as much as I can.

Jim Murphy  15:19

And when you’re moving things forward. What does that feel like? Like I’m doing what I came here to do. And what does that feel like?

Kris Safarova  15:28

It doesn’t have any negativity attached to it. You feel alive. You feel that you came here to do it.

Jim Murphy  15:32

So let’s say you want to feel focused and alive. Okay, that’s that’s when you fear your best, when you’re focused on life. And how do you not want to feel in your life? Like, what’s the worst?

Kris Safarova  15:41

The worst is when I feel I made a mistake because that I go into a negative spiral.

Jim Murphy  15:46

Okay, so when you made mistakes, which we all haven’t, and you’ve got into a negative spiral, what’s that like?

Kris Safarova  15:52

It depends on how bad the mistake was, and if I consider it to be bad. And usually it is not really bad for anyone else, other than me, but I feel it is bad, because I’m very, very harsh on myself. If it is something serious, it may take me some time to forgive myself.

Jim Murphy  16:10

Which is common with high achievers and people that are talented and you looking down and right, is the most common thing that happens when people because your eyes are connected to your thoughts, when you’re thinking about painful memories down and right where most people look. And so when you have these, when you’re not happy with yourself and feel like you made these mistakes, can you share what it might feel like like? Obviously, it’s not joy. It’s not happiness. How would you describe it?

Kris Safarova  16:39

The dark night of the soul.

Jim Murphy  16:40

Wow. Okay, dark night of the soul. And so can you give me another explanation of that? What does that feel like? Dark night of the soul?

Kris Safarova  16:47

It feels like emotional turmoil, like a huge tornado going on inside of your body.

Jim Murphy  16:52

Wow. Okay, okay, now we’re getting very specific. Thank you. So emotional turmoil and in that dark night of the soul. So what I would do, if I was working with you, is I would say, Okay, have you ever felt that before? And then you might say, Yeah, six months ago, or whatever, whenever it was right. Then I will say, Okay, I want you to go to that memory, and I want you to re experience it and tell me where you feel this in your body, and what it feels like, and I don’t have to know any details, so that you don’t have to explain anything that happened, especially if it’s traumatic. Sometimes that’s that’s really hard to do. It doesn’t help me at all. So say there was something that happened six months ago that was painful or embarrassing. You go re experience it. Now I’m going to ask you for a number out of 10, because I want to find the most painful experience feelings you’ve ever had, of that feeling. And you might say, Okay, six months ago, that was like a five. And then they’ll say, okay, focus on that part of your body that you felt it. Maybe where it might be, in your gut really tense, or your chest feels heavy, or whatever it is, your head, focus on that part of your body and ask your subconscious, have I ever felt this before? And then you say, Oh yeah, when I was in high school, I felt it, or college and and then go to that memory and re experience it. Tell me the rating of how it felt. We’re looking for nines and 10s, 10s the worst, where you’re going to start crying or just so overwhelming you don’t want to think about it ever. We’re going to go through your whole childhood and look for the most painful memories. Once we find the most painful ones, and you’re going to tell me how painful by the numerical rating, then we’re going to go in and going to remove some of the the the emotion out of it. Now, what happens when we have trauma? We the subconscious in its efforts to protect you, it sees, it plays a video of what’s happened, the same video, the same way every single time. And it says it because it embeds the memory, and anything associated with that video is going to get attached to it. So if there was cotton balls sitting on the counter and something paint really, really painful happened to you, you could have a phobia of cotton balls, because it attaches whatever what is average in the memory. And so what we’re going to do is we’re going to remove some of the emotion by multiple ways. One is, we’re going to look at the eyes of everyone else that was in the picture. We’re going to look through their eyes sorry, because when we have trauma, we only see it through our eyes. So we’re going to look through other people’s eyes. And if there was someone who instigated the trauma or an abuser, we’re going to look through that person’s eyes as well, because what you’re going to find is that person was filled with fear and they were extremely wounded. And so it starts to once we start to get out of our own eyes and see other people’s eyes, we start to see just expanding that vision is super healing. And then we’re going to distance ourselves from the memory, but we’re going to see it from different angles and from from a much farther distance. Instead of first person in the movie, we’re going to be third person watching the movie. We’re going to watch it from a distance, and we’re going to do that fast multiple times, and that’s going to reduce the emotion. Then I’m going to ask you how. You do want to feel, and then you’re going to say, I want to feel focused and fully alive. And then we’re going to go back and get some of those memories and feelings, and we’re going to recreate those, and we’re going to put those into the trauma that the painful memory. So reduce the emotion. We’re going to put in some good feelings, and then we’re also going to bring in some some good anchors, like, maybe you had a great memory with a best friend or family member or your dog or whatever it is. We’re going to bring that, that positive anchor into the the painful memory, and then we’re going to, we’re going to anchor that, those positive, that little confidence memory or entourage of great people and maybe animals or whatever it is, we’re going to anchor that into the painful memory, and then we’re going to embed it multiple times. And then after we do that work, then for most people, the trauma will go down to we’re trying to get to zero, so no pain whatsoever. And that’s that’s pretty common. Sometimes it takes a little while, but yeah, that’s how it works.

Kris Safarova  21:05

Do you ever have situations where it doesn’t work?

Jim Murphy  21:09

Not really. There’s times when we need to do more work than normal, but yeah, it’s really just understanding how the subconscious mind works and how the heart works and what it deeply needs, and then doing the work.

Kris Safarova  21:22

What do you think someone listening to us right now can actually implement because what you explained is very effective, but at the same time very hard to do on your own? So what can someone do on the on today or this week?

Jim Murphy  21:36

Well, since we’re talking about trauma, let’s talk about inner excellence principle number two, which is everyone does the best they can with what they have in their heart. And so what I’m saying with this principle is every single person is always doing the best they can with what they have in their heart. And I know there’s going to be some viewers or listeners going to be like, That’s a bunch of BS. That is not true. I know Ralph is not doing the best he can, or Bobby Sue, and I totally get it, totally good. So let me explain this. When I say everyone’s doing the best they can with what they have in their heart, the first thing I’m saying is that your heart is a control center of your life, your spirit, your will, working with your subconscious. That’s what’s controlling you, and so training is the most important thing you’ll ever do, but when you’re squeezed, what’s in your heart is going to come out, and we just need to get that heart sorted out. And I’m also, what I’m also saying is that your what’s in your heart is running your life, and whatever resources in there is what you’re going to be able to use to run your life. If the resources are lacking, what’s going to come out is not going to be good. And a lot of people are lacking resources. Well, we all are lacking resources, especially at one time or life or another, but if you’ve grown up in abusive household and you haven’t had love, you’re going to be lacking a lot of resources. And so that’s going to show up in when you’re squeezed. That’s going to show up in your behavior, because your heart doesn’t have the capacity. And so when I say everyone does the best they can with what they have in their heart, what I’m saying is according to that person. So every listener and viewer, I want you to think about someone who you think is not doing the best they can. What I’m saying is according to that person’s childhood, their experiences, their wounds, their fears, their beliefs, their lens, through seeing the world, that was the best they could do in that moment, and not only that, you would have done or said the exact same thing if you have their heart. Now, this doesn’t excuse it. Some people do. There’s evil things that happen in the world, for sure, and so those things need to be dealt with. It’s not talking about consequences. I’m just telling you why it’s happened, how it’s happened. And the benefit to us is that when you understand this, then you can stop judging them. And when you if you want to live an extraordinary life, create an extraordinary business, or whatever you want to do, we need to to develop non judgmental awareness. We need to go through our days without constantly judging self, circumstances or others. Most people spend 90% of their time judging everything, and as I have, I’ve done that a lot in the past. And so if you want to be extraordinary, we got to get to that point where you’re when you the lens you’re looking out, especially in your solitary moments, when you’re pulled over in the side of the road, that you see beauty first, because when you see beauty, then you can see possibilities.

Kris Safarova  24:34

How can you learn not to judge yourself and then not to judge others as well?

Jim Murphy  24:38

Yeah, now we’re talking about mastering the ego, and the ego works closely with what I call the critic, the part of our mind that’s that’s always judging self, circumstances and results or others. The important thing to understand is you don’t know what’s best for you result wise. So you have your goals right now and your dreams are they the best thing for. You, who knows I have my goals and dreams. I would like certain things to happen in this, this transactional world that I live in, but I don’t know like the opposite could be the best thing for me. So we need to hold them really loosely, because what’s happened happens to most people. What happened to me was I got stuck on a single story. My life has to be this way. But the most successful business people, the most successful in anything, they’re not stuck on a single story. They’re going to continue to try different things. And they have this resilience, or like the most important quality, or at least one of the most important qualities I’m going to have in my life, is to be able to not be attached to how things have to be and just keep trying different things, fail, trial, try, try, try, fake, trial, try, fail, and then just keep going until you find something that works, and it oftentimes is not going to be what you expect. And so when I think of inner excellence, I think of self mastery. And when I think of self mastery, I think of mastering the ego. And when I think of mastering the ego, I think of three things being unembarrassable, unoffendable, and unirritable.

Kris Safarova  26:03

How easy was it for you to get there? Were there any specific key things you have done to make the jump from judging yourself, judging other people and then become a person that cannot be embarrassed, cannot be irritated?

Jim Murphy  26:17

Well, I probably need more work on it than anybody. So this is, I think, why God shared it with me. But yeah, there’s a lot of things you can do, like, there’s a tool in the book called me, myself and I. And in that tool, we, you go to a social event and you, you ask, try and not use those words the whole night. Me myself or I. And on top of that, you try not to say anything that would put you in a positive light. And so this is working on the ego. So when you go to an event and you don’t know anybody, what’s going to happen is our deepest need is for love and acceptance, and our greatest fear is rejection. So we want to feel good. We’re uncomfortable when you don’t know anybody, and so especially if they all know each other, and you don’t know anyone, or it feels like that, then you’re going to want to say things that put you in a positive light. And that’s ego that that has this desperate need for love. The problem with that is that it’s a needy situation. I need people to accept me. And so when you go out into the world and you need people to accept you now, you’re you’re you got one hand behind your back. You’re very, very limited. You’re constantly self conscious, afraid of failure, etc. But if you don’t need to be loved or accepted, and the way we do that is you, you, you fill yourself up with God’s love before you go out into the world, then you can be a needy.

Kris Safarova  27:47

That is very true. And I think also the dark night of the soul moments happened to us as well as a gift, because it allows us to grow spiritually to the next level. So I was, my house was in the natural disaster area in the beginning of this year, and so I was part of all that experience of being a part of natural disaster and some other things happened at the same time. So it did put me into a dark night of the soul, moment that I was referring to earlier today, because before that, I had a tough life, and they thought nothing can impact me negatively. I am peaceful, and I know what is important in life, but then something can knock you on your knees, but I agree with you that you need to understand that there’s something bigger than us, and just follow that guidance. And I also know that what happened at the beginning of the year was really for me, not against me, and it allowed me to break out of my orbit in terms of spiritual development.

Jim Murphy  28:49

So powerful. Yeah, the first principle of inner excellence is that everything is here to teach me and help me. It’s all working for my good. It’s all training for you. And there’s another really important principle to understand, is that, and I really outlined this in my latest book, The best possible life, how to live with deep content and joy and confidence no matter what it’s getting. Re released in March by Ha said books. In that book, I talk a lot about how the best possible life has one foot in joy and one foot in suffering. If you want to live an extraordinary life, we need to sacrifice. We need to do hard things. We need to sacrifice for others, and we need to be willing to suffer like I mean, on a basic level, you can’t build big muscles without breaking them down first. You can gain wisdom without going through hard things.

Kris Safarova  29:39

What are some of the most impactful principles, realizations that you learned or developed over the last few years that really allows you to operate and contribute at a different level?

Jim Murphy  29:51

Well, the biggest one is that when I went to the desert and, you know, I spent five years full time writing and researching inner excellence, one. Is that the path to having the most peace and confidence under the most pressure is the same path as living the most extraordinary life, a life of deep contentment, joy and confidence no matter what. It’s a wholehearted path, a path where you develop your inner world and develop your character and your resilience and the inner peace, because as you develop that, you’re going to be better at every single thing. The biggest challenge we have in life is not our circumstances and our results. The biggest challenges is us getting in our own way from the over analysis and the negative and judgmental thinking and the fear of what people will think if we fail.

Kris Safarova  30:37

Let’s talk about the mantra from a world champion, “I expect nothing. I can handle anything.” That really stays with me. How did that impact you? How do you use it in your life? How do you help your clients use that?

Jim Murphy  30:49

Yeah, well, now I have a principle number three is, I have no needs. I expect nothing. I am free. It’s got it’s a mantra and a principle, all in one. And so the I expect nothing is this, this tool that the samurai used to use where go before going into battle. They would say this to themselves as kind of a way to get centered. And they would take a long, slow, deep breath, what I call a lasting breath, which is an acronym for a long, slow, deep nasal, gentle and through the nose always. And on the inhale, they would say, I expect, then hold. And then on the exhale, which is always longer than the inhale, say nothing. And the and then in their mind, it’s, I expect, nothing. I can handle, anything. And the whole idea is, let’s get rid of all needs, and let’s just clear the mind completely. And it’s kind of based on this idea of this sign in a monastery that said, Dear guests, thank you for visiting. If there’s anything you need, please let us know. We’ll show you how to get along without it. And so if you can go into any performance with no needs, and that for me, that really that I expect nothing. Tool really clears my mind of doesn’t matter what happens next, what they come at me with, what they think about me. I can handle anything.

Kris Safarova  32:09

It is very powerful. It makes you feel free. Do you remember the first time you felt free?

Jim Murphy  32:16

Oh, man, well, I’m going to tell you about the first thing that came to my mind was probably third or fourth grade at recess. Lake Young’s elementary Todd Anderson. He’s one of the littlest guys in our grade, but he had a strong arm. He’s the bell rings like right in the middle of the play. So obviously that means we’re going to go for a touchdown, because we’ve got to go back to class. So he throws a long bomb, it’s called, and I make a diving catch. I think someone tipped it. I made a diving catch to catch it. And I just remember the exhilaration and how when you’re young, there’s so much imagination, and imagination gets lost as you get older. And so what I what I really try to do in my life, is to create the solitude and connect to art and love as much as I can in service to others, so I can have that imagination that sees unlimited beauty. And so I remember running into class. I think it was Miss Kris class, or miss mateys, and just thinking she’s talking about math or whatever it is, like it’s a normal day, and she does not know what just happened on the playground. I just caught, what was like, akin to the Super Bowl game winning touchdown, this incredible diving catch, and she’s going on, like, it’s a normal day. I just, I remember that whole scenario. It was pretty cool.

Kris Safarova  33:38

Yes, it’s very interesting. What makes us feel free. Because what came to my mind as well, because I asked you this question, and then what came to my mind, which is so strange I need to think about it, is I actually felt free after I was attacked on the street and almost killed. It was back in Russia, and there was once coming back home. It was still light out, it was summer and I was going between the apartment buildings, and two men attacked me. They had a knife. They wanted to kill me. I guess guided to say just the right things for them not to kill me. But after that, I felt such peace and such freedom for a long time as well. So it lasted for months.

Jim Murphy  34:19

That’s so amazing and so great to hear from this horrible tragedy that God protected you and gave that to you. Because, to me, that’s miraculous. Like, this is not a normal thing, right? Most people are so traumatized right after, like they can’t think straight and they’re just shaking. And to hear about peace, which is not, you know, that’s that’s the opposite of what most people would feel, right? And what a miracle. That’s so cool, so amazing.

Kris Safarova  34:48

Thank you. Let’s talk about surrender. We cannot have the discussion without discussing surrender. What do you want to say about that?

Jim Murphy  34:55

Yeah, surrender is the hardest, hardest for people that are talented, if you’ve got a lot of talent. On. I mean, I mean, if you got a million dollars and you got to surrender it all, it’s a lot harder than surrendering $1 and so the more talent you have, the harder is to surrender. But the problem is, you’ve got your little vision, your little strength. I mean me as a human, we all have our own little strength and vision. I’ve only seen the world through my eyes. I’ve never seen it through your eyes or anyone else’s eyes. I can only imagine. And yet, my eyes is a lens through all the wounds and fears that I’ve had and beliefs that I’ve created. And so the most powerful thing anyone could ever do is surrender their little strength for the power of the universe, the power that grows the grass and spins the earth and holds the stars in place. I mean, this is what made the 12 Steps of AA change lives all over the world, millions of lives.

Kris Safarova  35:48

How did that play out in your own life? Do you remember when you decided to surrender?

Jim Murphy  35:52

Oh, yeah, very clear. The biggest one was with Zoe in the in the in Denver, Colorado, when I had a near mental breakdown, five years of full time writing and research, spend my life savings, $90,000 in debt, really isolated myself for the most part. And obviously we’re created for relationships. So when you isolate yourself now, you’re kind of in danger of succumbing to negative thoughts and spiraling and that’s what happened to me, and I ended up surrendering my life to God. I said, God, I’ll do whatever you want. I just want peace. And that was the most amazing life changing thing that ever happened to me. I’m a very different person. Now, did it last? Well, it’s it’s yes and no, it’s a daily surrender. I need to surrender every day, because I live in this world, and I’m human with human desire, self centered nature. And so as humans, we’re led around by our eyes. And so I see something beautiful, I feel great something ugly. I don’t feel great. This is just human nature, but we can get, as humans, we get sucked in to things that are that are drama or a crime scene, or anything like that, things that are negative. And so I need to daily renew my mind. And so it’s, it’s, it’s a lot of a lot of work to surrender every day, because I have a body that that always wants pleasure and never wants to get poked in the eye, and yet, like I said, the best possible life has one foot in joy, one foot in suffering. I’ve got to learn to do hard things and to put off temporary pleasures for long term, long term, term gain. And that’s that’s hard. So that’s why I need to simplify my life and have solitude and have mentors and read books and listen to podcasts and things that are empowering and filled with wisdom.

Kris Safarova  37:40

Jim, do you remember when it became clear to you what is your mission?

Jim Murphy  37:45

Well, after I went to the desert and surrendered my life and that really changed everything, my purpose is to share God’s love, wisdom and courage with athletes and leaders around the world, with everybody, really. So it’s been like that for the last 1520, years. I think if anyone wants to think about their purpose or mission, love is the most powerful force in the universe. And so if you include unconditional love in there, then then you’ve got something really strong.

Kris Safarova  38:16

That is very true. Does it have to be sacrificial though?

Jim Murphy  38:19

Yeah, yeah. So I mean, if I can say, like, I love sunrises and sunsets and playing board games and golf and traveling to new countries, and that’s all great. I love those things, I can say I love Jesus, and that’s all great, which a lot of people love those things, all the all the people that know what’s up love those things. I’m just kidding, but to love something like English only has one word for love, and when I say I love God, or I love board games or or travel or, or great food, sushi, Thai food, Indian food, of course, all those great things, Korean barbecue. I said, I love those. It’s kind of like this. Those are pleasurable. Those. I get good feelings when I have those things in my life. And that’s one sort of love. It’s very different than sacrificial love. Joy comes from sacrificial love, happiness comes from pleasure love. Happiness is a positive, temporary feeling based on what’s happening. Joy is a deep sense of well being and freedom and gratitude and inner buoyancy and delight that comes from sacrificial love when you sacrifice yourself for someone else, sacrifice meaning nothing in return.

Kris Safarova  39:40

Interesting. In my mind, happiness and joy are connected, and what you referring to calling happiness is more pleasure. And pleasure always comes with a price. Joy. Happiness don’t come with a price. Interesting. Tell us about your time in the desert. This is something that most people will never do. What was it like? What did you done? What did you see?

Jim Murphy  40:02

Yeah, well, my friend Ricky Scruggs, former teammate in pro baseball, invited me down there to help start his his baseball Academy. And so I went to go live a life of solitude, give away over half my possessions, including my TV and but it wasn’t like I was living in a yurt or something. I lived well, first it was in the baseball Academy. There’s no showers, so I lived there for several months and but I was really not trying not to do any dating and socializing, just everything limited. I really only knew days of the week by Sundays. Go to church and like my first, first or second, New Year’s Eve. I didn’t know what day it was when I saw the fireworks. That’s when I found out it was New Year’s Eve. And my house, I just heard a noise. I went outside, I was like, Oh my gosh, it’s, what are those fire oh my gosh, it’s December 31 what’s happening? So, yeah, it was, it was a lonely time. I mean, there was, it wasn’t all lonely. It was great. I mean, that’s had a couple friends there, like Ricky and his wife, and my my parents eventually moved in with my sister. I would usually leave at, say, seven in the morning to go to a coffee shop, come back at seven or 8pm and they’d they’d be asleep. So I actually didn’t, I really got to know my sister, ironically, when she moved in with me through email, because I never saw her during the day, because I’m gone in the morning, back they’re asleep and so but I started to email with her, and that was amazing relationship that we developed.

Kris Safarova  41:32

So interesting. You live together, but you got to know each other through email. Let’s talk about dreams. So we all have values that sometimes can clash with dreams, and then they self sabotage. I see it all the time. How do you recommend our listeners identify where they have that clash between their dream and values they have and how they may be sabotaging themselves, and how can they stop sabotaging themselves?

Jim Murphy  42:00

Well, I think of dreams as things that make you feel fully alive, and goals or transactions that you think will translate into dreams. And so really, when I start with somebody, and I encourage people to start, is to think about how you want to feel in your life, how you don’t want to feel what you value most, who do you respect the most in history and in your life that you’ve met and haven’t met. Who do you want to become, who you’re meant to become? And really think deeply about these things so you can clarify your life purpose. Then you can simplify your life and slow down your life, but you can’t simplify and slow it down unless you have these things sorted, because then there’s just way too many options with social media and the Internet to select so many every single day, you’re going to find new things that you could try and do, and it’s going to create anxiety, just way too many thoughts. And so we need to greatly reduce the thoughts. And whenever I think about reducing the thoughts, I always think about reducing the breaths as well. So most people, including myself, for most of my life, have had way too many thoughts and way too many breaths. So the average, the ideal Breath, breath rate when you’re relaxed. So what I call playoff breathing. And I got that, I came up with this term thinking about a PGA Tour player when they’re in a playoff at a PGA Tour event, say, there’s three of you, the person with the deepest breathing levels or rhythms is going to have the advantage. And the ideal breath rate is 5.5 breaths a minute, five to six. And most people, most of the time at rest, are breathing in the teens, high teens. So slowing down your thoughts, slowing down your breaths, two very, very big things that really, really hard to do unless your life is simplified and but we can’t simplify our life without having a clear purpose and knowing these things that I just shared with you.

Kris Safarova  43:51

Jim and they do meditation.

Jim Murphy  43:54

Yeah, yeah. So meditation is, is can be a scary word for a lot of people, just hard to sit still and chant, or whatever people think it is, but so what I do is is 10 minutes. It’s part of our morning routine. 10 minutes in the morning I turn on my what I call worship music is words and rhythms that that bring God’s love into my heart and tell me how much I’m loved by God. So the the meditation I do, I call it the the 10 minutes with God. And it’s, there’s, there’s multiple ones that I do, but the 10 minutes with God is, is turn on the, what I call the worship music, getting that those love songs into my sounds funny, sitting like that, into my mind and my heart, and then the countdown timer for 10 minutes, and then I’m going to sit there in a stretching position, sunlight on my face, or a happy light if there’s no sunlight and no. No requests ideally, and just soaking up God’s love. And I repeat a mantra that I got from Ken Shigematsu says, Jim, you are my beloved in whom I delight, as if God was saying that, because I believe he is even with all my flaws and mistakes. Another meditation is I want to call it the GPS gratitude presence Showtime. And that one set the timer for three minutes, and we’re going to go through the last 24 to 48 hours and all the grateful gifts, all the gifts that you’re given, and grateful moments that you can be grateful for, because gratitude is directly linked to inner peace and inner strength. And then the next three minutes are just being present and being present at the highest level I think of as as having a sense of unlimited possibility and and joy. And then three minutes of visualizing the future and feeling it things that you you hope to achieve, or person you want to become. And then one minute, the last minute, as I close it off with what I call the interactions funnel. I’m standing with my arms and a big why and imagining Heaven is pouring out love, wisdom and courage and abundance into my heart, into my life, and then I include the Lord’s Prayer with that.

Kris Safarova  46:14

That is incredible for someone who will be reading your book. What are the key things you want them to take away?

Jim Murphy  46:20

We live in a transactional world, and it’s really easy to get caught up. Most people spend most of their life, their life, getting caught up in transactions, temporary, surface level things that come and go, that are not lasting. This is what I’ve done. I’ve obsessed most of my life. I’ve obsessed about being a success in the world’s eyes and having these achievements. And the greatest thing that you can do is become a certain type of person, a person that that when they’re squeezed, that inner peace and inner strength comes out, love comes out. And that takes a very intentional plan, clarifying your life purpose, slowing down your life, having mentors, understanding that self centeredness is the biggest challenge that you face in performance and in life leads to fear and comparison and realizing that the best possible life is possible for you. It’s not circumstance or outcome dependent. It’s dependent on your heart and your desire to train your heart and surrender your limited strength for for unlimited power.

Kris Safarova  47:31

If you could put one belief in everyone’s heart, what would it be?

Jim Murphy  47:37

That you can you can connect deeply, intimately with the Creator of the universe and walk hand in hand with God. Just imagine if everyone believed that and felt it like the world would be extraordinary. When did you felt it the first time? Oh, man, good question. First time. I mean, so when I was little, I had some some great moments. And then when I became a teenager, I really was, like, even way more self centered than I have been and am now. So if you can believe that, but the first time I really connected with God that I remember. Well, the first memory that comes to mind is being a camp counselor in seventh and eighth grade in Port Hardy in Port Alice, Vancouver Island, with great friends, Kyle.

Kris Safarova  48:43

Jim, thank you so much for being here. Where can our listeners learn more about you? Buy your book? Anything you want to share?

Jim Murphy  48:53

Thank you. Well, first I’ll tell you where you can learn about me. You can go to my website, inner excellence.com, and subscribe to our newsletter, which is going on sub stack here in a few weeks, and I’m on Instagram interactions, Jim Murphy, and all the other social media things. The important thing to understand is that there’s no one can do what you can do, not a single other person on the planet and, and I’m, God’s training you right now. He’s, he’s, he sees your life, and you might feel so lost, like, I mean, I felt as lost as anybody could feel, I think, I mean, on the verge of a mental breakdown, and felt like I had no hope, like I was $90,000 in debt, like my net worth negative 90k I would look at homeless people and think, yeah, you’ve got nothing and you’re on the street. I’ve got nothing and a mountain of debt. I felt like worse often than them. You know, that’s how my mind was putting it. And so understand that that what you’re going through right now is most likely training for you. And God’s going to work it out for your good. And there’s no one in the world that can do what you can do. No one has your relationships, your experiences and your potential.

Kris Safarova  50:07

A hundred percent agree with you. Jim, thank you so much. Our guest today was Jim Murphy, New York Times best selling author. Check out his book, Inner Excellence. And this episode is sponsored by StrategyTraining.com. We have few gifts for you. Number one is the Overall Approach Used in Well Managed Strategy Studies. You can get it at firmsconsulting.com/overallapproach. You can also get McKinsey and BCG-winning resume, which is a resume that got offers from both of those firms, and you can get it at firmsconsulting.com/resumePDF. And lastly, you can get access to episode one of How to Build a Consulting Practice Level One. And you can get access to it at firmsconsulting.com/build. Thank you so much for tuning in, and I’m looking forward to connect with you all next time.