Most people cannot tell the difference between a bad decision and a bad outcome. In a classic study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers showed people identical decisions and changed only how they turned out. People rated the exact same decision as better when it produced a good result and worse when it produced a bad one, even when they were told the outcome should not count.
This is the trap at the center of every setback. You judge the path you took by the result you got. When the result disappoints you, you decide the whole path was a mistake. Often it was the right path. You just did not get the result you wanted yet.
We just released two episodes of a new Legacy program. It is called Setbacks and Failure.
A member wrote in with a question that looked simple at first glance. How do I rebuild forward momentum after an extended streak of setbacks, when conventional advice like starting small and focusing on prior wins is not working?
Michael unpacked the question. What is an extended streak of setbacks? What counts as forward momentum? Are you going backwards, are you standing still, or are you moving slowly? Each one is a different problem with a different answer. The quality of your question determines the value of the answer you get.
There is the path you take and there is the result you get on that path. If you chose the right path and did not get the result you wanted, that is not a setback. You are still learning. If you chose the wrong path and did fairly well anyway, that is the real danger, because a wrong path eventually corners your career no matter how good the numbers look.
Here Michael uses a client he calls Mary. Mary sat on the management committee of a major investment bank. When she had her child, the firm offered her a new business to run on her own terms, three or four days a week, mostly from wherever she wanted. At the time, it was the right decision. She got a P&L. She got the life she wanted. She kept building her career, even though part-time. Three and a half years later, her career had not moved the way she hoped, so she looked back and called those years a streak of setbacks, the same wording as our Legacy client used. They were not setbacks. She chose the right path for her at the time. She just did not think through what she would lose; she focused on what she would gain. Relabeling the path as a failure is an emotional lens, and it is the thing keeping her stuck because she is not learning the right lesson. We will have a video coming out soon on the Firmsconsulting YouTube channel on prioritizing and work-life balance that addresses this in more detail. Stay tuned for an announcement.
Then Michael reframes the question the way he would for a company if he were serving as a partner on an engagement. When a business calls him in to rebuild lost momentum, the executives want to spend six hours walking him through every product failure of the last ten years. But none of it matters. A company is not valued on the cash it generated in the past. It is valued on the cash it will generate in the future.
You are no different. The past is the past. You inherit the consequences. There is no time machine. So mine the setbacks for what they teach you, then spend 95 percent of your conversation and thinking time on your future and not more than 5 percent on regretting your past. Most people do the reverse and wonder why nothing changes.
Failing to meet an objective on the right path is still success. A little progress on the wrong path is the curse of marginal success, because it convinces you to work harder on a plan that is leading you deeper and deeper into a hole, and you may not even realize it. The important skill is not planning. It is taking a plan and doing something about it. Today. And the environment you live in commands who your role models are, whether you choose them or not. Adapt down for long enough and you will start calling it normal.
Michael walks through how he rebuilt his own momentum. He and I mentor each other and see each other’s blind spots. He took the five dimensions of the MasterPlan — health, wealth, life’s purpose, relationships, and happiness — and he picked one move in each. Where he was not the expert, he booked meetings with someone who was, got the advice, and did the work.
You can do anything you want. You cannot do everything you want. This is what Mary forgot.
Before you go looking for a way to start over, ask: did you actually choose the wrong path, or did you just not get the result you wanted yet?
In this three-part program, Michael walks through how to tell a real setback from a correct decision with a disappointing result, how to mine the past without living in it, how to pick the one dimension to move first, and why your environment decides more of your momentum than your willpower ever will.
Legacy members can work through the first two episodes of this new program here.
If you want help rebuilding your momentum, this is the work Michael and I do within our executive coaching programs. Reach out sharing a little about yourself, and we will tell you whether it looks like it could be a mutual fit.
Take care,
Kris Safarova
P.S. If you are determined to work with us but you are not at a senior enough level yet to be part of executive coaching, there is also an opportunity for a targeted, smaller-scope program — the Speak Without Limits membership — which can help you meaningfully upgrade your communication and executive presence skills, as well as your confidence and ability to take advantage of opportunities. There is also a MasterPlan Annual targeted program, and you can join the application waiting list by emailing us.
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